Quiet quitting is stupid

I don’t know how some stuff catches on but I think this whole “quiet quitting” thing is truly dumb. First, it’s not actually about quitting. Anyone who is quiet quitting is keeping their jobs and basically shifting their approach to work. The idea is that, rather than spending your time going above and beyond at your job, you simply fulfill your required duties. This is not revolutionary and I would argue it is merely repackaged work-life balance. I would also argue that work like balance is an absolute joke and doesn’t exist but that is a rant for another time. The quiet quitters out there are shutting their computers off at 5pm and heading home for some self-care.* They are focused on work fitting into their lives and not the other way around. Don’t get me wrong, none of this is bad but it also isn’t a as exciting as TikTok would lead us to believe. 

We are all trying to reclaim (i.e. desperately CLAW back) some of our personal time. While working at home during Covid, the line between work and home completely disappeared and now that many of us are back in the office the shift is jarring. No more folding laundry during meetings or middle of the day Hot Girl Walks. Instead people have to readjust to being back at their desks for many hours and day and the idea of staying late or working at home in the evening is no longer appealing. But was it ever? I have never encountered anyone who adores working long hours at the expense of personal time. 

Where I really struggle with quiet quitting is that someone has to pick up the slack. Yes, it is an organizational issue when employees are tasked with more than their fair share of responsibility for things beyond their job description but it all needs to get done. If you work as part of a team and opt to quiet quit (but don’t say anything, you know, because it’s “quiet”) that extra work is likely getting foisted on them. Some people may simply not care but, as I have said before, we work with other HUMANS and they would also likely enjoy reclaiming a bit more of their time as well.

Maybe one good thing that will come of this is a realization by leaders in organizations that the boundaries between work and home need to be reestablished. That’s tricky territory considering the many ways Covid completely transformed the way we work but it is possible. Maybe start by looking at our European friends. They are implementing the  four-day work week with great results. Employees are happier and more productive. Their overall mental health is improving and they have extra time for laundry and Hot Girl Walks. Sounds like a win-win to me. 

*Unless they have kids in which case they are heading home to be bossed around and to cook pasta for the thousandth time.

School days

I love back to school time. This is not surprising. But I don’t like it in a cliché “hooray the kid is out of the house” way (though not complaining about no more daily drive to/from camp). It’s more of a fresh start, new pens, so much hope for what can change and be different sort of way. The beginning of the school year is a time for kids to try on new identities, make new friends, and (hopefully) learn a bunch of useful stuff. But you know what else it’s for? ANXIETY!!! Anxiety for me. Anxiety for my kid. Anxiety all around! This isn’t my constant companion run of the mill anxiety. This is specialized. This is driven by my worry for my kid and his feelings and what other kids will say and do.* 

Parents try so hard to create a safe space for their kids at home. We want them to express themselves and know that we love them no matter what. We are basically trying to create a psychologically and emotionally safe space. Psychological and emotional safety is all about ensuring that kids can ask questions, come up with crazy ideas, and make mistakes knowing that they won’t be punished or humiliated. It also means that they can question and push back on things. And by “push back” I mean be a sass monster who has to have the last word. I have no idea where he gets that…

It’s also important to develop psychological safety at work. Guess why. Because PEOPLE go to work. Not mindless cogs, but actual humans who (even when grown up) need to feel that they can speak up, ask tough questions, and not be chastised or fired. This is often tricky to develop because your supervisor isn’t your Mom or Dad (unless they are?). It’s this human part of work that I think we need to remember. Maybe if we picture our colleagues as little kids just starting first grade we would do a better job at creating a psychologically safe environment for them and everyone at work would reap the benefits. 

To close let me share this grammatically incorrect, old-ass song about going back to school my Pap-Pap used to sing to me. It went like this:

School days, school days

Dear old Golden Rule days

'Reading and 'riting and 'rithmetic

Taught to the sound of the hick'ry stick

You were my bashful, bashful beau

I was your queen in calico

You wrote on my slate, "I Love You, so"

When we were a couple of kids

I looked it up and Pap-Pap’s version differed slightly from the original 1907 version but both mention a hickory stick. Hickory sticks were used to beat children when they weren’t paying attention or got an answer wrong. That is the opposite of psychological safety. 

*It is also driven by the fact that I have to think about whether he is physically safe at school and that is truly terrible

Chunky love

I just opened a jar of peanut butter, realized it was chunky and actually said “Oh, FUCK* yeah!” out loud. Is it ridiculous to be this excited about something so mundane? I don’t think so. If something so small makes you happy why not embrace it? There is a lot of research out there that shows that appreciation or gratitude (even for the small things) leads to greater overall satisfaction with life, improved mental health, and a bunch of other useful stuff. The consensus is that we should write down what we are grateful for. This way, rather than just being forced to talk about what you are thankful for at the Thanksgiving table it becomes part of your daily routine.

I do not want to do that.

The idea of adding anything to a daily routine is a hard pass for me. When people say they wake up, journal, meditate, and do some stretching all before their first coffee I have thoughts. I assume either they live alone and have no kids, or they wake up at 4.30 to fit all this into their day, or they are a zillionaire with no job. I do not fall into any of these categories so I looked for other options and I found some great suggestions. 

These aren’t hard to do. Asking someone what’s awesome in their life is a pretty great way to bring gratitude into normal conversations without being over the top. Genuinely thanking someone for their efforts isn’t hard and it makes people so happy to know that you see them. Speaking of being happy, it turns out that the best way to make yourself happy is to do stuff for other people. From what I can tell, a big component of gratitude is just getting out of your own head and actually paying attention to the people and things around. I can do that. 

 * I was going to change this to “hell” because I was worried that people may not like swearing but then I remembered the ENTIRE POINT OF WHAT I AM TRYING TO DO!! Not going to tightrope my own damn website. 

I ❤ a plan

Anyone who knows me knows that I love a plan. If that plan can come with a list and/or bullet points even better! It only makes sense that I have some sort of plan for my sabbatical and I do: write a book. Unfortunately, that is a terrible plan.

Maybe some people just sit down and write a book. I am not them. The idea of an entire book is overwhelming to me so I’m going to approach it in manageable pieces using what we know from academic studies on goal setting. There is a lot out there about what works and what does not but I like the ideas around SMART goals. This seems useful and breaks “write a book” down into actionable steps. These are my sabbatical SMART goals:

SPECIFIC

• Weekly or bi-weekly blog posts on academically-adjacent ideas about the invisible burdens on women @ work and tightroping

• Monthly blog posts where I rant about how Sheryl Sandberg sold us all a lie and that leaning in is a bunch of bullshit and/or stories about my son

• Six or seven completed book chapters

• An additional dog

• A book contract with an actual company so that I don’t have to make hard copies of what I write to give as gifts

MEASURABLE

Either I wrote things or I didn’t. I can count the number of dogs living with us (currently one).

ATTAINABLE

These do not seem impossible. Though the whole book is more of a stretch goal, I am feeling good about making these things happen. With the caveat that the dog will happen when it happens but over sabbatical seems like a great time for an additional dog friend.

RELEVANT

These are all relevant to my overall desire to get what I have in my brain out to the world.

TIMELY

I only have a semester to make a lot of progress. I am very much hoping to accomplish* all of these things in that timeframe.

So, that’s the plan.

*Normally I would write that I “will accomplish” these things but I am trying to give myself some slack. I read an article the other day saying that people who set really high goals for themselves are often perfectionists so when they fall short of those goals, even by a little, they tend feel bad and are unable to acknowledge all the progress they made. That hit home. Also, I am imposing these goals on myself. If I don’t accomplish every last thing that is ok (I keep telling myself). So this is me trying to be laid back about getting things done. I am not laid back. Ever. This is hard.

Sabbatical blogger?

In about two weeks, my sabbatical starts. If you don’t hang out with professors this concept is likely completely bananas to you. Even if you do hang out with us it’s still kind of nuts. Every seven years I can take one semester (full pay) or a whole year off (1/2 pay and impossible to do with SD mortgages) from teaching to do something. That something is pretty loosey-goosey. Some professors move abroad, others create new courses or work on a time-consuming project. I got pregnant on my first sabbatical so it was productive (because I made a human) but not in an academic sense (because I felt like trash most of the time). This time I am going to write (and absolutely not get pregnant).

Unfortunately, graduate school only trained me how to do one kind of writing- the kind that leads to publications in academic journals. Have you ever read an academic journal article? No? Well let me remedy that! Here is a link to my latest peer-reviewed academic article. I’ll wait…

On a scale from 1-10 how dry would you rate the content of that article? Over a 7? Wrong! That’s a pretty sexy little article. We* threw in some current events, brought up Chick-fil-A’s political leanings (#bigotchicken), and explained where companies can go wrong with their corporate social responsibility efforts. That is all very exciting in academic terms but that’s not what I want to write.

I want to write funny, snarky things that people like and that are useful. I want to write the kind of stuff that makes you accidentally snort and then have to pretend it was a sneeze so you don’t look bonkers in public. I want to write the kind of stuff that women take a screenshot of and text to their friends because they find it so relevant. Only problem is that I am not entirely sure how to do that kind of writing. So I’m going start here and see what happens.

*please note my co-authors Ed and Tej are amazing scholars and delightful gentlemen to boot! They put up with my shenanigans and allow me to make asinine comments in our shared docs and I appreciate that.