Circling back to quiet quitting
After I wrote about quiet quitting (a term that I still despise) I kept talking about it more with friends and colleagues. A thought provoking comment on my post and an intellectually stimulating conversation at Dave and Buster’s (a sentence that has likely never before been uttered) made me realize that I didn’t really address the organization's responsibility for this trend. My (made up) estimate is that it’s about 85% the organization’s fault. Leaders and managers are ignoring the signs of burnout all around them which is crazy because 72% of employees say stress or burnout is an issue for their organization. They are also failing to recognize that their employees are PEOPLE. Actual human beings with needs and desires beyond their jobs. Sadly, this is not new, it has merely been brought to the forefront by the pandemic. Companies have been mistreating employees in a variety of ways for long enough that many laws are on the books to protect employees. Are they working? That’s a post for a different day…
Much of the employee protection legislation deals with physical safety and non-discrimination but that’s not what quiet quitting is about. This phenomenon is driven by the overwhelming mental burdens being placed on employees. American workers are some of the most stressed on the planet. The combination of the lingering uncertainty of coronavirus and being asked to do more with less has brought many to their breaking points. For some the answer to this untenable situation was to quit. The Great Resignation saw millions exit the workforce (for a variety of reasons). Perhaps quiet quitting is just the next best option; it allows employees to reclaim some of their time and still get paid. But it’s not an actual solution to the problem. It’s like taking two Advil the morning after drinking four Mai-tais in the Maui sun. Theoretically it should make you feel a bit better but if you really wanted to feel better you should have not had so many Mai-tais, taken Advil before bed, and drank some water.*
The actual problem is much larger, it’s the organization's culture (or the sugary Mai-tais). It’s also the pressure from up the chain attempting to drive performance without much thought to the resources provided or the impacts on their employees. This disengagement from the humanity of employees just isn’t going to work anymore. If companies want to attract and retain talent they have to do better. McKinsey & Company just put out a great report on what they are calling the The Great Renegotiation. Companies have to understand that employees have more options now and better organizational cultures attract and retain the best people.
Creating a good culture doesn’t just happen. Leaders have to be purposeful in considering what will work and how to implement it. A great place to start is by taking a look at what is done to show employees that they are valued. How are managers truly acknowledging the work of their employees and their contributions to the company? If the answer is a shoulder shrug there is work to be done. Showing employees they are valued doesn't take a huge investment, it’s a combination of a lot of little things. There is so much research about how to motivate employees and some of the things are so easy and make a big difference. Remembering that employees are people is key. They want to be seen, to have their opinions heard, and to know that their work is appreciated.
Please know I am not saying that a hearty “thank you” or free bagels are going to eliminate quiet quitting. Thanking people visibly and loudly for the work they do is a start, but there needs to be specific attempts to lessen employee workloads. Here are some things I think will work:
Make a plan to remove some of the extra work from their plate so they see light at the end of the tunnel
Run interference when other employees try to delegate to already overworked members of your team.
Advocate for compensation that aligns with what people are actually doing, not just what is in their job description.
Organizations are run by people. We need them to do better on this so we can move on to the next catchy yet annoying workplace fad!
*This is definitely a made-up situation (no it’s not) #mauifever
Why leaning in is trash
Writing about quiet quitting the other day made me think about “leaning in” because it feels like the exact opposite. Leaning in was a huge deal a few years ago and is all about women looking for new and more opportunities as a work. Sheryl Sandberg popularized the idea with her book of the same title which came from her TED talk. Leanin.org offers “circles” women can join, resources, research, and articles. All great stuff! There are some suggestions in the book that I particularly like*:
1. Sit at the table. Rather than being on the periphery (literally or figuratively) we (women) need to pull up a chair and make our presence known.
2. Don’t leave before you leave. Don’t pass up opportunities because you think your life may change. She gives the example of pregnancy and women who have passed up promotions because they are trying to get pregnant. Basically that will take at least 8-9 months (likely longer) and other people are advancing while you stagnate waiting for something to happen.
Awesome advice from the (former) COO of Facebook.** Here’s the thing though. Sheryl was writing for a very specific audience (crucial if you want to get a book deal which I very much do) but her book was touted as if it was a game changer for all working women. I wish! I wish that book existed (and that I wrote it), but it doesn’t and it won’t. Every woman faces unique challenges for a multitude of reasons (#intersectionality) so leaning in was never going to be the solution.
A brief summary of the life of Sheryl Sandberg:
Her dad was a doctor (ophthalmologist), her mom taught college french
She was a National Honor Society member in high school
Her undergraduate is from Harvard and she was the top graduating student in economics (that is exceptionally impressive!). She made connections with faculty there that allowed her to work at the World Bank.
She earned an MBA from Harvard with highest distinction (that is very bad ass)
Sheryl is highly educated, white, wealthy (her reported net worth is $1.5 billion. With a B.), straight, married, and well-connected. There is no doubt that she is an exceptional and brilliant woman but she is NOT the norm. Many, many women do not have the advantages she had from birth so her advice sometimes goes off the rails a bit for regular ladies. For example she addresses the important issue of partners stepping up and fully taking on ½ of the responsibilities of a parent and member of a household. Great. They should, but there are a lot of single moms out there with zero help. Added bonus, even women with partners can’t allow themselves the opportunity to lean in when childcare is insanely expensive, not readily available, and women continue to be the “default” parent when something goes wrong. And these are only the starting point of the issues being faced by working women.
This all makes me want to scream. Our systems are broken. We need support for women in so many ways but suggesting we do more is definitely not the answer (BTW there is a book titled Lean Out and it’s great!) but neither is quiet quitting. We need some sort of happy medium. I’m hoping tightroping can be part of it.
*There are other suggestions that are good but a little obvious. “Work hard” being one of them. No shit, Sheryl.
**Please note this book was published at a time when we didn’t all understand the depths of Zuckerberg’s terribleness
Loud working
My friends and I have been texting about quiet quitting a lot and, per my earlier blog post, we all think it’s dumb. In one of our threads, my amazing friend and colleague Dr. Justine Farrell said, “what about loud working?” This is a truly inspired turn of phrase. What is loud working you ask? Well, (according to my smart lady text thread) it’s when people need everyone to know that they are working. That they are BUSY. We all know these people (we sometimes are these people). No matter what the situation they fill you in on all of the very important things they are doing even when you did not ask. They will spend 20 minutes doing something that could have been done in 5 just to make a point that they “add value” and they are often energy vampires.* From what I can tell, there are two types of loud workers:
1. The ones who talk about how busy they are but a lot of the work is self-created busy work that isn’t important or useful
2. The ones who talk about how busy they are but are actually barely fulfilling their duties and/or doing a whole lot of nothing
I’m not sure which is worse but both of them drive me bonkers. I wish this didn’t annoy me so much but it does and I think it’s because WE ARE ALL BUSY. Just because we aren't bragging about our overloaded calendars, looming deadlines, or jammed inbox doesn't somehow make us less busy. Research shows that some people have an inherent need to be busy (or at least say they are) because busy = important and busy = valuable to the organization. But really, busy is generally a facade.
Maybe it’s not their fault. Maybe they are just not organized or lack time management skills. Studies show that some people are simply more efficient with their time which leads to increased productivity. No matter what the cause, it turns out always telling people how busy you are is potentially harmful to your career and can impact opportunities for you at work. This need to be busy is also bad for your physical and mental well-being. If you're reading this and you are or know a loud worker here are some things to say instead and some suggestions for how to stop.
I’m going to try and be less annoyed with loud workers because it’s not a business competition and if it is I am not interested in winning. I want to do my job (well) and have the opportunity to spend time not doing my job and that’s ok. In fact it’s healthy and makes me MORE productive. So take note loud workers! Spend less time telling everyone how busy you are and more time doing the actual work. You’ll feel more accomplished, you may improve your standing at work, and your colleagues won’t feel drained or angsty after every interaction. Everyone wins!
*Please watch this if you aren’t familiar with energy vampires and their powers. And if you love absurdity I highly recommend What We Do in the Shadows. Vampires + Staten Island? Yes, please.
Quiet quitting is stupid
I don’t know how some stuff catches on but I think this whole “quiet quitting” thing is truly dumb. First, it’s not actually about quitting. Anyone who is quiet quitting is keeping their jobs and basically shifting their approach to work. The idea is that, rather than spending your time going above and beyond at your job, you simply fulfill your required duties. This is not revolutionary and I would argue it is merely repackaged work-life balance. I would also argue that work like balance is an absolute joke and doesn’t exist but that is a rant for another time. The quiet quitters out there are shutting their computers off at 5pm and heading home for some self-care.* They are focused on work fitting into their lives and not the other way around. Don’t get me wrong, none of this is bad but it also isn’t a as exciting as TikTok would lead us to believe.
We are all trying to reclaim (i.e. desperately CLAW back) some of our personal time. While working at home during Covid, the line between work and home completely disappeared and now that many of us are back in the office the shift is jarring. No more folding laundry during meetings or middle of the day Hot Girl Walks. Instead people have to readjust to being back at their desks for many hours and day and the idea of staying late or working at home in the evening is no longer appealing. But was it ever? I have never encountered anyone who adores working long hours at the expense of personal time.
Where I really struggle with quiet quitting is that someone has to pick up the slack. Yes, it is an organizational issue when employees are tasked with more than their fair share of responsibility for things beyond their job description but it all needs to get done. If you work as part of a team and opt to quiet quit (but don’t say anything, you know, because it’s “quiet”) that extra work is likely getting foisted on them. Some people may simply not care but, as I have said before, we work with other HUMANS and they would also likely enjoy reclaiming a bit more of their time as well.
Maybe one good thing that will come of this is a realization by leaders in organizations that the boundaries between work and home need to be reestablished. That’s tricky territory considering the many ways Covid completely transformed the way we work but it is possible. Maybe start by looking at our European friends. They are implementing the four-day work week with great results. Employees are happier and more productive. Their overall mental health is improving and they have extra time for laundry and Hot Girl Walks. Sounds like a win-win to me.
*Unless they have kids in which case they are heading home to be bossed around and to cook pasta for the thousandth time.
School days
I love back to school time. This is not surprising. But I don’t like it in a cliché “hooray the kid is out of the house” way (though not complaining about no more daily drive to/from camp). It’s more of a fresh start, new pens, so much hope for what can change and be different sort of way. The beginning of the school year is a time for kids to try on new identities, make new friends, and (hopefully) learn a bunch of useful stuff. But you know what else it’s for? ANXIETY!!! Anxiety for me. Anxiety for my kid. Anxiety all around! This isn’t my constant companion run of the mill anxiety. This is specialized. This is driven by my worry for my kid and his feelings and what other kids will say and do.*
Parents try so hard to create a safe space for their kids at home. We want them to express themselves and know that we love them no matter what. We are basically trying to create a psychologically and emotionally safe space. Psychological and emotional safety is all about ensuring that kids can ask questions, come up with crazy ideas, and make mistakes knowing that they won’t be punished or humiliated. It also means that they can question and push back on things. And by “push back” I mean be a sass monster who has to have the last word. I have no idea where he gets that…
It’s also important to develop psychological safety at work. Guess why. Because PEOPLE go to work. Not mindless cogs, but actual humans who (even when grown up) need to feel that they can speak up, ask tough questions, and not be chastised or fired. This is often tricky to develop because your supervisor isn’t your Mom or Dad (unless they are?). It’s this human part of work that I think we need to remember. Maybe if we picture our colleagues as little kids just starting first grade we would do a better job at creating a psychologically safe environment for them and everyone at work would reap the benefits.
To close let me share this grammatically incorrect, old-ass song about going back to school my Pap-Pap used to sing to me. It went like this:
School days, school days
Dear old Golden Rule days
'Reading and 'riting and 'rithmetic
Taught to the sound of the hick'ry stick
You were my bashful, bashful beau
I was your queen in calico
You wrote on my slate, "I Love You, so"
When we were a couple of kids
I looked it up and Pap-Pap’s version differed slightly from the original 1907 version but both mention a hickory stick. Hickory sticks were used to beat children when they weren’t paying attention or got an answer wrong. That is the opposite of psychological safety.
*It is also driven by the fact that I have to think about whether he is physically safe at school and that is truly terrible