Oompa

Growing up in Pittsburgh I listened to a lot of polka music.* My grandparents were big fans. In fact, I was once on the evening news doing the polka with my Nanny (Grandma). True story. When I was four we drove from Pittsburgh to Alaska in a 24-foot Winnebago (yes, DROVE) and the only available music was polka and the Annie soundtrack.** The other day I was feeling nostalgic and went to listen to my childhood playlist which includes a lot of polka. The lyrics to these songs are WILD. There is an entire song about a stolen blood sausage and one detailing that you better drink all your beer on earth because there isn’t any in heaven. The real kicker is that a personal childhood favorite of mine was called the Too Fat Polka. You heard that right. I loved this song and can remember singing it at the top of my lungs with my family in my grandparent’s basement. I can see the carpet, I can picture the chair I sat on. These are core memories. But the actual lyrics? Prepare yourselves:

Here's a silly ditty,
You can sing it right away
Now, here is what you say
So sing it while you may

Here's a silly jingle,
You can sing it night or noon
Here's the words, that's all you need
'Cause I just sang the tune:

Oh, I don't want her, you can have her
She's too fat for me
She's too fat for me
She's too fat for me
I don't want her, you can have her,
She's too fat for me
She's too fat
She's too fat
She's too fat for me

I get dizzy
I get numbo
When I'm dancing
With my Jum-Jum-Jumbo

I don't want her, you can have her
She's too fat for me
She's too fat for me
She's too fat for me
I don't want her, you can have her
She's too fat for me
She's too fat
She's too fat
She's too fat for me

Can she prance up a hill?
No, no, no, no, no
Can she dance a quadrille?
No, no, no, no, no
Does she fit in your coupe?
By herself she's a group
Could she possibly
Sit upon your knee?
No, no, no

We don't want her, you can have her
She's too fat for me
And she's too fat for me
But she's just right for me
We don't want her, you can have her
She's too fat for me
Yeah, she's too fat,
Much too fat
But she's just right for me

She's so charming
And she's so winning
But it's alarming
When she goes in swimming

We don't want her, you can have her
She's too fat for me
She's too fat for me
But she's just right for me
So I sure want her, you can't have her
She's just right for me
But she's too fat!
She's not too fat!
She's just right for me!

She's a twosome,
She's a foursome
If she'd lose some
I would like her more some

I don't want her, you can have her
She's too fat for me
She's too fat for me
She's too fat for me
I don't want her you can have her
She's too fat for me
She's too fat
Much too fat
She's too fat for me
Hey!

Part of it was sung in what I thought was Polish but could be Slovenian. I am not entirely sure, but the point is that this song is whack by today’s standards. It was originally released in 1947 but the version I grew up with was by Frankie Yankovic (no relation to Weird Al) and it was from 1968. I realize things were “different” back then but this song has a generally shitty message. As a little kid I can’t imagine I considered what the lyrics were actually saying. It was just a song to me. But as I got older the message was received: Fat = bad. It wasn’t just from this song. Although we didn’t have the hellscape of social media in the 80s, it was clear what the optimal look was as a middle school girl: not fat. That was unfortunate because right around fourth grade I became what would kindly have been referred to as “chunky.”  I had to wear the clothes that came in ½ sizes from Sears. At the same time I had braces and headgear (two types!). It wasn’t a great time for self-esteem but it sure did provide lots for the bullies at school to work with. I made it through and now, according to my therapist, use humor as a coping mechanism in stressful situations. She is not wrong. 

School bullies will always exist because children are monsters to each other. There are many reasons why kids bully but what about adults? It’s not just little jerk kids that bully people. Bullying in the workplace has become increasingly common. 

In many countries, trade unions, professional organizations, and human resources (HR) departments have become more aware over the last decade that behaviors such as intimidation, public humiliation, offensive name-calling, social exclusion, and unwanted physical contact has the potential to undermine the integrity and confidence of employees and reduce efficiency. People who have been bullied report that it affects them physically and mentally, with stress, depression, and lowered self-esteem as the most common complaints.

Bullying and harassment are often used interchangeably but they are not the same at work. The Equal Employment Opportunity Council (Est. 1965) was created to ensure that employees are protected from discrimination and bullying becomes harassment when it is directed at a protected class of individuals. These categories are race, color, religion, sex (including pregnancy, sexual orientation, or gender identity), national origin, age (40 or over), disability, and genetic information (including family medical history). Unfortunately, the EEOC only (sort of) works when people go through the (lengthy) process of reporting a complaint. If you look at their data, complaints filed have decreased in all categories over the last several years. That seems great but all that shows us is that reporting is down. These declining cases may be due to the process and not an improvement in how we treat each other at work since it’s estimated that over 60 million people are impacted by workplace bullying. That’s unacceptable. So what do we do? There are suggestions for the person being bullied like attempting to manage your reactions and making eye contact. There are also suggestions for how others can intervene, but none of this deals with the actual bully! These are just ways to help the victim while the bullying is occurring. We need to go to the source and make changes there and there have to be consequences for workplace bullying. Unfortunately that is where the disconnect usually happens. Organizations and their leaders are not always willing to make the cultural changes or create the necessary policies to support the victims; thus empowering the bullies. 

When thinking about solutions I realized the options I think will work to address bullying are the same ones I think we need to end tightroping. This quote is from my article about Luisa from Encanto and it works here too:

No more excusing ridiculous and unprofessional behavior. When someone makes a comment to a woman about what she is wearing, cracks a sexist joke, takes credit for her work, or talks over her it needs to be addressed immediately and in public. No more justifying bad behavior by saying, “Oh, that’s just how he is!” giving excuses, or having discussions behind closed doors about problematic behavior. Leaders need to create an environment where these things are publicly addressed. It’s not easy and it can definitely be awkward. But if nothing is done the message to us is loud and clear: keep on tightroping. Because the real you won’t be protected. 

It’s not easy to shift cultures and implement new rules but the alternative is lawsuits and employees who don’t feel supported. While organizations are trying to figure out how best to do this we can continue to intervene. One successful intervention strategy that is often mentioned is to change the focus of the conversation or to do something that is distracting. And you know what’s distracting? The polka! Looks like those skills continue to come in handy.

*Polka originated in Bohemia which is actually where my Great-Grandma was from (it says it on her birth certificate and everything). You have likely heard of Bohemia because somehow this central European country turned into a whole aesthetic.

**I am willing to bet I still know every word of that soundtrack. I dressed as Annie for at least two Halloweens in a row. Also, I don't think I really understood the concept of orphan.