Treats

Who doesn’t love a treat? Just a little something to get you through the day. Maybe it’s that iced chocolate almond milk shaken espresso (light chocolate malt powder) you pick up curbside at your local Starbucks because swirling that tasty beverage like Nancy Botwin from Weeds just makes you feel good. Maybe it’s a little snacky. A salty bag of Pop Corners or some little granola bites; there’s something about a tasty little snack that’s really a delight. Some may say that connecting food to happiness is problematic but I would like them to please be quiet and leave the snacks out of this and allow us some joy. Maybe it’s a trip to Target where the vibes are immaculate or some online browsing. Whatever your treat preference is I would like to give you some very good news. These little indulgences are actually helping us cope with the current dystopia. In the wake of all of the uncertainty brought along by Covid there is something to be said for a guaranteed good thing. We had to cancel so many things for so long that this treat-forward approach is one way people are reclaiming some of the freedom and stability that has been lost since early 2020. TREAT FORWARD! Write that down! When anyone questions your treat habit tell them you simply adhere to a treat forward lifestyle. When we allow ourselves these treats it helps us handle the fact that the world is a garbage fire. So many people have been thinking and writing about the positive results that come from treats that it now has a name: treat culture. 

Something about treat culture is that you’re always regularly going to get the treat. You can depend on that, at least. There’s a guarantee that this small little ritual that you have every week will at least satiate something in you.

Perhaps the best description I saw of treat culture was calling it poor man’s hedonism. For those of you who aren’t philosophy nerds, hedonism is an approach to life in which your only concern is maximizing your pleasure and minimizing your pain. Derived from the Greek word for “pleasure,” a common depiction of hedonism is Dionysus (aka Bacchus). He was the  Olympian god of wine, pleasure, festivity, madness and wild frenzy. Krewe of Bacchus puts on an annual parade at Mardi Gras. You get the idea. It’s unhinged indulgence. But here we are with our little treats. Our own little, teeny snippets of pleasure.

According to Dr. Paul Bloom a psychology professor at the University of Toronto and Yale, that hedonistic life isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. He thinks that unless we experience some pain in life we can’t appreciate the good stuff. That living meaningful lives has to come with some pain to make us grow. He is probably right but there is something pretty appealing about just embracing the most Bacchanalian version of yourself every once in a while. Bloom has written a lot of interesting books if you are into learning about morality, pleasure, art, and some other fun stuff.

This is called the Triumph of Bacchus by Diego Velázquez. It is also known as Los Borrachos (the drunks) and is often cited as a great example of hedonism. There are other similar paintings around the same time (1620s) depicting parties that look far more interesting than these gentlemen.

Treats make us feel something and they come in many shapes and sizes. In discussions I have seen, some people point to treats as just another way for us to contribute to that golden arrow of Capitalism* and that we are creating a treat industrial complex (that phrase actually made me LOL). But not all treats have to be purchased! Treats can be something totally free like walking away from your email for a bit, doing some stretches, or doing absolutely nothing. I saw an article the other day that really highlights where we can find these (free) little treats. They call it “joy snacking.” I love that! The idea is to focus on the little things in your normal life that bring you joy. A catch up phone call with a friend, eating a favorite food (#sourdough), watching a good show. None of these things are extraordinary but when we  mindfully tune into the pleasant, nice and sometimes routine experiences of every day, we can transform an otherwise mundane moment into something more meaningful and even joyful. That is delightful to think about. Researchers are even finding that noticing and savoring these little joy snacks is a way to cultivate a meaningful life and that joy fosters connection and is linked to subjective well-being. Additionally, it seems joy is great for us as individuals and it is also great for our relationships.  

I think the idea that we can turn the normal stuff into a joyful little treat makes everything feel just a tad bit better. But how do we do that? Well, it turns out our good (yet often elusive) friend mindfulness is a big part of making it happen. But it’s not just being mindful, there are other things you can do to help cultivate joy in your life. You can practice gratitude or self-compassion. You can treat yourself or treat someone else. The benefits are real. These treats improve our mental health and help us be more focused. It’s positive reinforcement! We are all just basically adorable puppies. 

I would be remiss if I did not give credit to the founders of treat culture: Tom Haverford and Donna Meagle from Parks and Recreation.** Their annual day of indulgence spawned a zillion memes and I am thankful for them all. Friends, total bummer and OG Debbie Downer Thomas Hobbes famously said that the life of man, solitary, poor, nasty, brutish, and short so by all means, please find your joy snacks and don’t forget to Treat Yo Self!

*I have a lot to say about Capitalism. Mainly that “the free market” doesn't correct for ethical lapses and corporate wrongdoing. The free market is not some all knowing deity focused on making the world a better place for all. The free market is a thing in the same way a unicorn is a thing. Fun to think about, doesn’t actually exist. 🦄
**Parks and Rec was a truly fantastic show and if you know me then you know I love me some Leslie Knope (please enjoy these quotes).

Damp January

At the beginning of every year in recent history people have been posting about Dry January. It’s a pretty simple concept: no alcohol for the month. It started in 2006 and became a really big deal in the UK in 2013. Estimates are that 1 in 5 people participate in Dry January. It’s the start of a new year. A time to reflect and reset. For many, Dry January is an opportunity to reassess their relationship with alcohol. 

“It’s a kind of self-diagnosis of how important alcohol really is to you.” 

If it’s hard to go a few days or a week without a drink it’s an opportunity to ask why that is and decide what needs to change. The benefits are many. You will have more energy, and clarity. You will sleep better and possibly lose weight. You will not have hangovers. Your skin will glow. You will not drunk text. You will strengthen your immune system. All great things and nothing to sneeze at (that’s a really gross phrase in a COVID world). But as a researcher I do want to point out that there are a lot of other factors at play in January. It’s also usually when people try to focus on eating healthy, going to the gym, and just generally being a better version of themselves. This is often short lived; it lasts for about a month. Just like Dry January. See what I’m getting at? It’s hard to isolate not drinking as the one thing that drives all of these benefits. If Dry January works for you and helps you feel better I am thrilled. I am very much in favor of people doing whatever they want with their bodies (do you boo boo), but let’s consider two things I see as connected to Dry January. First, diet culture. This plague on society is (finally) being acknowledged for its toxicity. It “oppresses people who don't match up with its supposed picture of 'health’” and has caused so much damage. The majority of the impacts of diet culture are felt by women, femmes, trans folks, people in larger bodies, people of color, and people with disabilities according to dietician Christy Harrison a proponent of intuitive eating. I understand that Dry January is eliminating something that is thought to be all bad but I also understand that restriction isn’t necessarily the best answer. Second, Dry January creates pressure on people at a time when that is the last thing they need. We all just survived the holidays, often the most stressful time of the year for people. We are still in the midst of a global pandemic and the news is constant tragedy. If having a glass of wine is a thing someone is doing as a way to relax* they shouldn’t have to feel guilty** about it because it’s Dry January. So, if you are going to do Dry January could you, perhaps, make less of a thing about it? There seems to be an almost incessant need to let everyone know that you are doing Dry January. This might be a way for people to create their own accountability; if they tell people they are doing this they will be more likely to stick to it. To me it feels like a combination of people who are in training for a marathon and Lent. 

How do you know if someone runs marathons?

Don’t worry, they’ll freakin’ tell you!

Hey-oooo!

Running a marathon is a big thing. I get it. I will never, ever run a marathon because it sounds like absolute misery. But the joke hits. Never in the history of running marathons have people not told everyone they know they are running a marathon.

If you aren’t familiar with Lent, it is 40 days when Christians around the world (particularly those that are Anglican, Catholic, and Orthodox) prepare for Easter. They are supposed to pray and fast but as a kid who went to Catholic school the big deal was giving up something for Lent.  The idea is that we were supposed to sacrifice something and show self-discipline as a way to represent Jesus’ sacrifice but what really happened was that most kids gave up something that was not that big of a deal. And do you know how you knew they gave it up? Because they would tell you at every opportunity. Below are interactions I remember from 8th grade:

Oh you’re having chocolate? Not me. I gave it up for lent (#sopious). I have not idea what joke you are referencing from Saturday Live. I didn’t watch it this week. I gave it up for Lent, I’m very holy. Oh my goodness! Is that a french fry? No thank you. I am currently sacrificing.

Considering all of this, I have decided to participate in what I am calling: Damp January. I am drinking less (no more holiday break Thursday morning mimosas or third glass of wine because I don’t have to wake up to get Leo ready for school) but I am not holding myself to not drinking at all. Know why? Because I don’t want to. Sometimes the first sip of my expertly crafted absolutely filthy vodka martini is truly a balm for the soul and I am not willing to give that up. I also want to point out that a lot of the rise of Dry January is coming from a business push. The non-alcoholic industry is blowing up and making boat loads of cash. There is absolutely nothing wrong with profiting from encouraging healthy habits but know that many of the same companies promoting non-alcoholic drinks for Dry January will be waiting for it to end so that you buy their alcoholic drinks. 

At the end of the day my goal is for this to be a helpful place. If you want to give Dry January a whirl here are some curated options and the best places in San Diego for non-alcoholic drinks. If you want to do a Damp January but feel bad here are some benefits of alcohol and red wine. If you want to fight diet culture there are a lot of things you can do. If you want my filthy martini recipe here it is:

Splash of dry vermouth. 

Equal parts vodka (not from Russia) and this olive brine (trust extensive research was conducted).

Shake vigorously for at least 30 seconds (more if you want to count it as an arm workout). This creates teeny, tiny ice chips in the final drink.

Strain into a chilled glass. This used to be my favorite glass but I broke it because I am not fancy enough to have nice things. We now use these because they are unbreakable.

Garnish with bleu cheese stuffed olives (preferable not from a can) and several of any kind of these Serpis olives (not Goya). You can skewer the olives on these cocktail picks that I am looking for an excuse to buy or just use normal ones (try not to use the disposable ones-that’s just wasteful). If you don’t have cocktail picks or are just feeling extra classy, by all means drop the olives in there and fish them out with your fingers. The vodka will kill the germs. #science

Do what works for your and cheers to whatever kind of January you are doing!

*I’m setting aside the discussion that “needing” a glass of wine to relax could signal a problem. I am focusing on an individual wanting to have a glass not needing to drink to excess to feel ok. 
**Some people may read that and wonder why anyone would ever feel guilty about having a glass of wine when others aren’t. These people were most likely not raised in the Catholic Church.

Scrub

Do you enjoy being naked with strangers? Does having the top several layers of your skin removed sound like a good time? If not I would HIGHLY advise against visiting a jjimjilbang.

A jjimjilbang is a (gender segregated) Korean spa with hot tubs, saunas, interesting rooms, and relaxing spots to drink tea. There are several in San Diego. 

If you asked me these questions before I started my PhD program I would have made a mental note that you were clearly a voyeuristic masochist, but now this has become part of my annual, what I guess I could call, maintenance. A long time ago I decided that I wanted to start my year with a literal clean slate so when everyone heads back to the first day of work after the holidays I head to the jjimjilbang for a scrub and a massage. 

If this sounds appealing to you I want to offer some pointers. When you get there you put ALL of your stuff in a locker. You will be naked aside from your locker key. This is not optional. Next you take a shower before doing anything else. Will the shower be private? No, it will not. It will be in the same room with the hot tub and a number of other naked people. If you opt for a scrub you will lay on a table covered in plastic (it always gives me Dexter vibes) and bowls of water verging on boiling will be thrown on you. Then it gets real. A woman will start to scrub every inch of you and will remove any last shred of dead skin and dignity. You will be flipped over like an egg, told to lay on your side, and likely almost slip off of the table and onto the floor. Don’t worry. They will catch you (but they will also laugh at you). After you are possibly bleeding just a little but very smooth you will be told to shower (again). You head back to the table but now it is dry and there is a towel to lay on. Normal back massage stuff (normal = exceptionally firm pressure veering into pain at times) is followed by what can only be described as gentle-ish face slapping. It’s good for circulation! Then a thin piece of muslin is placed over your face (like a shroud but for alive people) and that is covered with a mystery mask of some kind. While that marinates the rest of you gets massaged and your hair is washed. This is not a gentle wash but it is certainly through. Hair rinsed, your shroud is peeled off and you are told to sit up. Your back is heartily clapped and then, then you are doused with milk. Surprised? So was I the first time I went!!! Why am I being covered in dairy?! Did I order this? Am I being filmed? Anyhoo you are then told to splash your face with milk (which you do because you are afraid to say no to this exceptionally strong woman) and sent on your way to enjoy the rest of the facilities at your leisure. Totally normal Tuesday morning.  

I started doing this way before we were talking about the importance of self-care. Something about parts of me from the previous year being physically removed always felt so good that I decided to purposely make it my own tradition. While sitting in the Himalayan Salt Sauna (pictured!) I started thinking about some of the other traditions and rituals I have that make me feel good. Three immediately popped into my head. 

Every evening I wash my face (obviously!). But it is a process. When I say “I’m going to wash my face” my family knows I will be gone for at least 15 minutes. I don’t know when this became so involved but I love it. I get a bit of time to myself, listen to a (murder) podcast, and turn off my brain. Ok so here’s the daily breakdown: Micellar water, cleanser applied with face brush, pat dry with towel and savor the moment, toner, serums (these vary day to day), moisturizer, gua sha, eye balm, and finish off with some lip balm. Very low key and not at all ridiculous. I have a working theory about why I do all of this. When I was younger I had terrible acne. It made me self-conscious and it was exceptionally frustrating because there was nothing much I could actually do about it except try to cover it which only made it look worse. I had to take antibiotics for years to finally get rid of it (sorry to you my gut biome!). So now I do many things in hopes of never having to deal with that again. I also think it’s an opportunity to momentarily escape what can sometimes be the most stressful time of the day (i.e. danger brain) while also ensuring my face doesn’t look like shoe leather (my ultimate goal in life). Sure I could splash water on my face and call it a day. That would save loads of time and money but that’s not the point. I do this routine because it makes me happy. It is relaxing. It smells good. And, according to research, routines are comforting and they are good for our mental health. So clearly this is a must. Please let me know if I am missing any crucial steps you enjoy. I am always up for new steps in the process!

Every Sunday I do my nails. To me there is something about having my nails done that makes me feel like I have my shit together even when I most certainly do not. I grew up in the era of Dynasty where the most sassy and powerful ladies always had amazing nails. Do you think Alexis Carrington would have been caught dead without a manicure? She would slap you for thinking such a thing. Also, I talk with my hands (a lot) and our hands are all about expression and emotions so having to glimpse undone nails makes me sad.

I usually use nail polish wraps (I am slightly obsessed) which are basically stickers* that come in a zillion prints and colors. Each week Leo is in charge of picking my wraps. He asks what I have to do that week to get a feel for what he thinks will work. Once I was doing a panel on women in business so he picked ones with dinosaurs because “ladies are strong like dinosaurs.” That kid ❤️

I was surprised to find articles linking manicures to improved mental health and the fact that the practice of adorning nails dates back to Cleopatra! I thought this was just sort of a frivolous thing I did but taking time to do or get your nails done is a way to reclaim some space in your life and an opportunity to check out for a bit.** Manicures are being used to empower women and the mere existence of the industry has dealt with classism, racial discrimination, politics, and human rights issues. So people can think this is silly and a waste of time but (to me and many others) it’s way more than surface. Surprisingly some students even notice. I’ve had students that check the weekly selection of color/pattern and my nails have been mentioned in my teaching evaluations. I once had a student ask if I was ok because he noticed my nails weren’t done (I was not ok. It was a bad week). That guy and his keen observation skills are going places! If you are still skeptical just try it once and see if you feel better!

I listen to Big Pimpin’ by Jay-Z on the way to work when I need to get my head right. I do not feel good about this. Much like Roxanne Gay, this makes me feel like a very bad feminist. The title alone is suspect and the lyrics are deplorable aside from when people are told to read a book (you illiterate son of of bitch). It’s misogynistic, borderline abusive, and generally gross. And yet… something about the beat and turning it way up helps me get ready for whatever is coming at me that day. Maybe the song is tied to some amazing memory and I don’t realize it. All I know is that it works and it has for a while because Big Pimpin’ was released in 2000 (OMFG). This song has clearly been cemented into my personal traditions but it is not one I will be sharing with Leo. There are other songs that I love and that make me feel great but they simply aren’t the same. Tons of research discusses the benefits of music in our lives and shows that music can relax the mind, energize the body, and even help people better manage pain. 

A 2010 study of 36,000 people around the world conducted by Adrian C. North of Heriot-Watt University found that people who liked certain genres of music tended to have high self-esteem. Specifically, fans of classical, pop, jazz, and—this may surprise some people—rap.

So maybe I’m onto something with Jay-Z when I need a confidence boost. Fortunately there are many other song suggestions that may work for you. If you want to add to or change your own rituals here are some options for things to do in the morning, things to do throughout your day, and things backed by science. if you’re looking for some new traditions you can draw from around the world. If you still really crave 90s rappers in your life but have a child may I suggest Doggyland? Snoop Dogg has come out with a children’s album. This is a real thing. I will leave you with the Affirmation Song so you and your kid can tackle whatever the day brings.

[Intro: Snoop Dogg]
Affirmations are a positive statements that help bust a challenge and overcome
When you not feeling good and have negative thoughts, so repeat after me, come on everyone

[Verse 1: Snoop Dogg & Doggyland]
There is no one better to beat than myself
There is no one better to beat than myself
Today is going to be an amazing day
Today is going to be an amazing day
My feelings matter
My feelings matter
I get better every single day
I get better every single day
I choose to feel happy
I choose to feel happy
My family loves me so much!
My family loves me so much!
I care about others
I care about others
I learn from my mistakes
I learn from my mistakes

[Hook]
Affirmations are fun and cool
They help us heal and they help us grow
If you love to learn and wanna keep feeling good, let's say some more
Follow me, let's go!

[Verse 2: October London & Doggyland]
I am responsible
I am responsible
I get better every single day
I get better every single day
I'm surrounded by love
I'm surrounded by love
Every problem has an answer
Every problem has an answer
I deserve to feel good
I deserve to feel good
Anything is possible
Anything is possible
I believe in myself
I believe in myself
I can control my own happiness
I can control my own happiness

[Outro: Snoop Dogg]
Now we know some new affirmations that we can choose, and learn to say
So next time you need a little inspiration to help you more have a positive day (positive day)
Affirmations
Affirmations (affirmations, affirmations, affirmations)

*In elementary school we had sticker albums! I had one that was pink and puffy and I once left it at my friend’s house on the picnic table outside and it rained. It was a true tragedy. Some stickers were scratch and sniff, some were fuzzy, some had googly eyes. All were amazing. Before Pokemon cards there were sticker albums. After sticker albums there were the Garbage Pail Kids. It was the 80s. It was a weird time. I had this sticker →

**Unless you are one of those people who talk on their cell the entire time they get their nails done, in which case you are a monster. If you have the other person on speaker or FaceTime I have no words for you. Just contempt.