Fowl (Vol. 2)

Okey dokey. I’m back to the chicken coop! 

Writing the word “chicken” makes me think of the Chicken Dance. You know it and you likely hate it. Here are the lyrics:

[repeat thrice]

Da na na na na na na (move your hands like a bird mouth)

Da na na na na na na (flap your arms like chicken wings)

Da da da da (continue flapping your chicken arms, waddle down and then up)

Clap, clap, clap (self explanatory)

[interlude]

Da na na naaa na na na na (link arms with closest person to you and walk in a circle in one direction)

Da na naa na na naa na (now link the other arms and turn in the other direction)

[continue to speed up the pace until someone gets a cramp, the majority of the children are crying, or people lose interest]

I have a soft spot for the Chicken Dance. My Grandma loved the Chicken Dance. I can remember doing it with her at weddings and the annual Croatian Fraternal Union Christmas party. It is a core memory of my childhood. Once at an Octoberfest there was a band playing it and I told Leo it was “the dance of his people.”*

But this post isn’t about my second favorite dance from when I was a kid (the first obviously being the Hammer Dance**). It’s about chicken-based children’s stories that I see playing out in the real world. Today it’s Henny Penny (aka Chicken Little or Chicken Licken). I grew up with it being called Henny Penny and this fable was all about the impacts of overreacting and turning the smallest issue into a major catastrophe (making a mountain from a molehill). As the story goes, Henny Penny is just living her chicken life, picking up a little corn snack from the ground when WHACK an acorn hits her on the head. Henny Penny isn’t one to investigate. She’s more of a jump to conclusions sort of lady so obviously, she decides that the sky is falling. With this information she believes she must tell the king and off she goes. Along the way she meets several animals who believe what she says: Cocky-locky, Ducky-daddles, Goosey-poosey, and Turkey-lurkey (my personal favorite) and they decide to accompany her on her trek to tell the king. Then, they all meet Foxy-loxy and tell him their plan. He is exceptionally helpful because he points out that they are going in the wrong direction but he knows the way and will help direct them there. So helpful! They all walked and walked until they got to a dark and narrow hole. When they said this didn’t seem like the right place…

Apparently there are two completely different endings to this story! I had no idea!

Version 1: Foxy-loxy assured them it was a shortcut to the palace. It was not. It was his burrow. He told all the (sucker) animals he would go first and they should follow one at a time. So in goes Foxy-loxy and Turkey-lurkey follows. Then, Foxy-loxy snapped off Turkey-lurkey's head and threw his body over his left shoulder. Damn! It went really dark really quickly and the carnage continues because it would appear each animal goes in, one after the other, to be dismembered by Foxy-loxy. Prior to his murder, Cocky-lockey let out a “cock-a-do” (he didn’t finish because he was eaten). Waiting for her turn, Henny Penny heard Cocky-locky crow. She assumed that meant it was dawn and time to lay her egg so she left to head back to her nest. 

Version 2: Foxy-loxy admitted it was his burrow but that he wanted to have them over for dinner before they met the king. Chicken-licken took a look around and noticed a lot of questionable decorations (i.e. bones and feathers) because Foxy-loxy was a messy bastard who didn’t clean up after himself. When she saw him put on a big-ass pot of water, and set only one place setting at the table, she realized they were going to be dinner. She came up with a plan. She took out her dust cloth from her apron (so prepared) and told Foxy-loxy he should just relax and that she would tidy up the house while the water heated. He thought that sounded amazing and settled in for a nap. Once he was snoring the animals snuck out of there and back to the farm and ate corn cake at Henny Penny’s. When they were finished they went outside and an acorn fell on Henny-Penny’s head. Once again she made the wrong assumption and freaked out. Her friends showed her that it was an acorn and called her a dumbass. She laughed at her silliness.

THE END

Please don’t think I am just randomly retelling fables here. I see a variety of connections between this story and certain workplace behavior:

Catastrophizing: I talked about this a bit in another blog. It’s when people tend to mentally jump to the worst case scenario. They make a very big deal out of (usually) nothing. Henny Penny turns something that is truly a non-issue into a problem worthy of the king. This is, unfortunately, familiar to many of us. We all work with someone whose default is assuming the worst. Their tendency to go Defcon 1 (Maximum readiness!!! War is imminent!!!!) in the most trivial situations is exhausting and if the catastrophizer *is a manager they end up dragging other people into the situation (Cocky-locky, Ducky-daddles, Goosey-poosey, and Turkey-lurkey) and putting them through a lot of unnecessary trauma and work. 

Crying wolf: Similar to catastrophizing, it makes everything seem like an emergency and this behavior has impacts. First, people start to ignore your distress cries. Things marked “urgent” or the seven emails in a row are now normal and tabled for later. There is a limit on declaring urgent, drop everything kind of situations; especially when you work in a field where actual emergencies are few and far between. Once you reach your limit of catastrophes, you are the little boy in the village. When the wolf shows up (an actual problem!) no one will believe you. Second, working with someone who is constantly crying wolf impacts other people. When people are forced to feel like everything is high priority/emergency status their health is impacted. They have headaches, their cortisol levels are raised, and they have trouble sleeping. Employees who are feeling like this are not going to be able to perform their best. Crying Wolf has impacts beyond the person yelling. 

Naysaying: A delightful offshoot of catastrophizing is often naysaying. Naysayers never met an idea (from you especially!) that they like. Rather than trying to come up with a solution they tell you why things will never work. Trying to improve a process or make something more logical? Not if a naysayer can help it! They will point out every place this change could be problematic. They will drone on about the potential backlash. They make it so annoying that you want to bash your head on the conference table. They cling to their belief that whatever you think will work (no matter how much time you've spent planning) will not. They are the Debbie Downers of the business world. 

The need to always be right: There is no debating that the sky is falling because the Henny Penny’s you work with believe the sky is falling. They are right because they are always right. If you think it’s an acorn and they don’t? Sorry, not an acorn and here is a slow and patronizing explanation of why you are wrong. Unfortunately, believing something is true does not make it true. I know people say we live in a post-truth world but I think the truth is out there. This approach at work is bad for so many reasons. It’s annoying. Humans are fallible and being right all the time is simply not possible. It’s really annoying. It’s much easier to work with or train someone who wants to learn from their mistakes rather than someone who can’t acknowledge them. Holy moly so annoying! It alienates others. Being consistently corrected or “informed of” things gets old. Quickly.

A desire to overcomplicate things: Why solve a problem quickly when you could overcomplicate it and make the solution ridiculous and exceptionally time consuming?! People prone to complexity bias take any request, task, or question and then get to work on a convoluted “solution.” Working with people who have this tendency when you are much more of an Occam’s Razor (#parsimony) kind of person is maddening. Not only are they wasting their time they are often wasting your time as well. 

Lack of research into the problem: Did all of the other animals have to follow her? Of course not! Her panic was convincing and the evidence (to her) was that acorn. But the other animals?! They just assumed it was true and followed her (to their deaths in Version 1!). This is no way to operate. Doing this at work is a great way to get fired. Not everyone has your best interests in mind (sorry). You have to ensure that you have all of the pertinent information before acting. A solid CYA is always recommended. Trust but verify. 

Believing women are too emotional: Henny Penny is giving us ladies a bad name! There was no due diligence, just her flying off the handle and embarking on a lengthy journey void of critical thinking. This reflects poorly on us all because people already belive that women are more emotional than men. This idea is so common it is classified as a “master stereotype.” People of different ages, cultural backgrounds, and even women believe that this is fact. IT. IS. NOT. TRUE. Research shows that women’s emotional reactions are seen as who they are while men’s emotional reactions are due to external circumstances. As in, “oh she is just an angry person” or “she is not capable of controlling herself.” Our emotions are seen as inextricable to us but men get to blame pretty much anything else. That means that men’s emotional reactions can be written off as not actually their own. In the words of my Grandma Flo, “it’s a crock of shit.” 

What I think is crazy is that in both endings, Henny Penny escapes unscathed. What the hell? She created this mess and doesn't seem to learn a damn thing.

Not me! After thinking about all the parallels between this story and real life I wanted some solutions. What I found was a reminder that we can only control our own responses and not how others behave (therapy 🌈 ). That can really be a challenge at work but the first suggestion I found is to take a beat before responding to the “emergency” of the moment. Ground yourself and then respond. I think part of crying wolf is the response the person gets. If everyone jumps into action then the person crying wolf feels important and powerful. Perhaps less reaction from us will lead to less crying wolf? We can hope! What about the people who are always right and revel in correcting everyone? I think we can all agree they are insufferable but the one thing I came across that really struck me was the idea of not trying to prove your case. I think for many of us when someone is wrong and acting like a jerk we want to show them how and why they are wrong. Turns out that’s pointless and will just lead to (more) conflict. You and your evidence isn’t going to sway them because they are right and you are wrong. So the best thing is to ignore them like the cacti I buy every summer and plant in my atrium. The hope is that the behavior will eventually (maybe?) start to die off; like my cacti. Finally, the naysayer. I love the idea that as soon as they start to rain on your parade you ask them what could be done to make it work. You cut off the negativity before it starts. Also, managers need to set some rules to manage these behaviors. Rather than letting the toxic naysayer shoot down everyone’s ideas, create inclusive and respectful parameters for meetings (in particular) and beyond.

The stories of these two little nuggets (see what I did there?) have a lot to teach us and I think each of the animals in these stories have pros and cons. 

The Little Red Hen: Very responsible/prone to burn out. Finds scream therapy an effective way to alleviate stress.

The farm animals: Clear boundary setters/unwilling to help a friend. Would not call 911 if their phone was out of reach.

Henny Penny: Strong convictions/not great at confirming via data. Likely a climate change denier.

Cocky-locky, etc.: Very supportive friends/not the smartest. Will cut off your mimosas before you drunk text your ex.

Foxy-loxy: Talks a great game/murderer. Still quotes the Wolf of Wall Street incessantly.

It may seem like Little Red Hen comes out as the best example to follow. She is responsible. She knows how to do a bunch of cool stuff and she bakes bread. That sounds great. But her story isn’t all good because the animals she surrounds herself with suck. We can blame them for not helping her (even when she asked, which is hard!) but now that she knows how they operate it’s important she not continue to do everything alone. That approach will only sow (farming pun) bitterness and resentment. She needs to find new friends (colleagues) who will support her when she needs it and who understand the importance of contributing. It’s inevitable that we all take on the good and the bad of each of these roles every once in a while. Some days we are a lazy farm animal. Some days we overreact like Henny Penny. Some days we are an evil genius like Foxy-loxy. The important thing to remember is to not let any of these roles define or consume you. Be your own animal. A cool one if possible, maybe a liger.

 *About ⅓ of his people. He is also ½ Mexican so La Chona is the other dance of his people. The remaining portion is a real mezcla: Polish, German, Irish, Swiss, Dutch. All these pasty countries in his DNA means that he has amazing blonde highlights that look like what some people (me) pay to have put in their hair. 
**I dare you to go listen to that song and not want to dance. In 8th grade my best friend and I broke her VCR because we had recorded the video and kept stopping and rewinding it to ensure we had all of the moves down. I also had a pair of Hammer pants. If you are a young person with naturally dewy skin, please do not look at these pants and laugh thinking how ridiculous we were. Hammer pants still exist, you have just renamed them harem pants (don’t like that name one bit) and drop crotch pants. Do I still do the Hammer dance? Yes. Does my husband cover his hands with embarrassment every single time? Correct. Do I care? I do not because I have a mind to rhyme and two hype feet. #schoolsinsuckers