School days
I love back to school time. This is not surprising. But I don’t like it in a cliché “hooray the kid is out of the house” way (though not complaining about no more daily drive to/from camp). It’s more of a fresh start, new pens, so much hope for what can change and be different sort of way. The beginning of the school year is a time for kids to try on new identities, make new friends, and (hopefully) learn a bunch of useful stuff. But you know what else it’s for? ANXIETY!!! Anxiety for me. Anxiety for my kid. Anxiety all around! This isn’t my constant companion run of the mill anxiety. This is specialized. This is driven by my worry for my kid and his feelings and what other kids will say and do.*
Parents try so hard to create a safe space for their kids at home. We want them to express themselves and know that we love them no matter what. We are basically trying to create a psychologically and emotionally safe space. Psychological and emotional safety is all about ensuring that kids can ask questions, come up with crazy ideas, and make mistakes knowing that they won’t be punished or humiliated. It also means that they can question and push back on things. And by “push back” I mean be a sass monster who has to have the last word. I have no idea where he gets that…
It’s also important to develop psychological safety at work. Guess why. Because PEOPLE go to work. Not mindless cogs, but actual humans who (even when grown up) need to feel that they can speak up, ask tough questions, and not be chastised or fired. This is often tricky to develop because your supervisor isn’t your Mom or Dad (unless they are?). It’s this human part of work that I think we need to remember. Maybe if we picture our colleagues as little kids just starting first grade we would do a better job at creating a psychologically safe environment for them and everyone at work would reap the benefits.
To close let me share this grammatically incorrect, old-ass song about going back to school my Pap-Pap used to sing to me. It went like this:
School days, school days
Dear old Golden Rule days
'Reading and 'riting and 'rithmetic
Taught to the sound of the hick'ry stick
You were my bashful, bashful beau
I was your queen in calico
You wrote on my slate, "I Love You, so"
When we were a couple of kids
I looked it up and Pap-Pap’s version differed slightly from the original 1907 version but both mention a hickory stick. Hickory sticks were used to beat children when they weren’t paying attention or got an answer wrong. That is the opposite of psychological safety.
*It is also driven by the fact that I have to think about whether he is physically safe at school and that is truly terrible